I was wondering if your researches had produced any examples of people who were actually opposed to the idea of normal funerals, and who issued “now or never” type invites to living services? I rather like the idea myself, although I appreciate that many may be reluctant to deny their nearest and dearest one last opportunity to remember and mourn in their absence.

Very interesting comments all round, thanks. Jeremy

Would love to know how the celebration of life for your mother turned out! D.J. Valentine did this before it was too late. It was invigorating to have a front row seat to witness all of the reunions and tributes that occurred just in the three-hour receiving line at his celebration attended by 200 family and friends. He is a true inspiration. Read this story: http://ourlifecelebrations.com/2011/03/celebrating-life-in-hospice/

Thanks for sharing!
Denise

One hurdle that I’m sure I have to clear is my family. Not my children, but my brother, aunts andd uncles. They can be very negative when it comes to anything unconventional. Yet I will try to make this the best celebration of life that I can for my Mom.

I am honored that you both are sharing your stories, plans and hopes, with our readers. I am touched by your raw honesty and authenticity as you approach this part of your lives. I am inspired by your courage. Norma, I agree with Denise’s suggestion regarding ideas to bestow your belongings to your friends and loved ones. There is healing in your belongings, both to you as the giver, and to those who care for and love you. The article that Denise shared with you, “Cleaning Out My Mother’s Closet” is my most cherished article written by Denise, as it represents the opportunity to use your belongings to create a space for reminiscing and life review. The stories that are shared through this process are one way we live on.

Kind Regards,

Deb Robson
Executive Director
Hospice Care of the West

I am sold on the idea of getting together before the final event and the trip to Colin’s wake gave all his friends a chance to say goodbye while Colin was still in a position to travel.

Must go for now, will keep you posted. Chris

I just want to toast your wide-eyed walk into the life’s final frontier. You have so much courage in the face of dying. Instead of throwing all of these personal mementos that you’ve collected over your life journey. You may want to find the ones that mean the most to you and figure out the person in your family or community of friends to bequeath these mementos that hold the stories of your life.

I wrote a column about cleaning out my mother’s closet in the OC Register click on the link here
Also, in Chapter 4 of my book Parting Ways, I share the story of a woman Mary Dexter who I think you would really relate to. I’m happy to send you a copy.
Finally, I encourage you to send an email out to your friends and family to invite them to your living funeral. In the email, ask them to bring a story about you or a photo/memento from a time they want to reminisce with you about. At the gathering, you can give the personal mementos you found in cleaning out your home and share your life stories attached to them. Also, if you want a way to vent your anger, give everyone a sheet of paper at the gathering. They write down what they’re angry about. Then each person shares it. At the end of the sharing you find a way to release these pieces of anger by burying or burning them. I think that in your darkness, you will be able to share and release the anger, the sadness, the fear and ultimately discover the unexpected joy of being able to come together on this journey.

Please let me know how it goes.
With inspiration,
Denise Carson

I want to have a living funeral to help me tell my family and friends how much I love them. I want people to be able to tell me things that they have been wanting to tell me. I want them to be able to vent their anger at fate in a supportive place. I just want to see all the people who would be coming to my funeral before I die.

I toast you for having a clear-eyed approach to your life in the shadow of cancer. You must have so much strength and courage to volunteer even in your vulnerable hours of life. I too agree that it’s a pity to see such amazing tributes at a funeral and wish that the honoree could hear all of these wonderful ways he or she has touched so many. As far as your “Transition Party”, I say my hat is off to you, no time like the present to gather with friends and family to celebrate your life. It doesn’t have to be uncomfortable. I would love for you to read chapter 2 of my book Parting Ways. It’s called Living Funeral: Celebrating the End of Life. I think that you will find that Marty Geltman, who was also battling cancer, found a way to have as you call it a “Transition Party” that brought all of his friends and family together to toast and roast him. He wore a tuxedo to the celebration attended 150 intimates at a church. In the book, he plans the whole affair. I would be happy to send you a copy of my book for inspiration on your journey.

I suggest organizing a celebration of your life, possibly around an upcoming birthday. If not, just call it a Life Celebration for Chris. Send out an email to all of your closest friends, or if you have the energy call them. You may want to ask a few people to participate in what like call a “Living Eulogy.” Just ask three or four people to share a memory of you, or possibly a moment of how you touched their life. Or maybe ask a friend or family member to share wisdom you gave to them. And then just open it up for anybody present to talk and share. This can be very informal and incredible way to reconnect with folks you haven’t seen in awhile. It would be great if you can have someone with a video camera to record this for you. I had a life celebration when I released my book and I believe we can have life celebrations throughout our life. See the link here, I wrote about it in my column at the Orange County Register http://denisecarson.com/2011/09/14/book-release-celebration-in-los-angeles/

I would be happy to send you a copy of my book for inspiration on your journey. Please keep me posted.

Denise
denise@denisecarson.com

I contracted Cancer about five years ago and as yet do not show many outward symptoms, apart from those associated with the on-going treatment. I have been made aware that I should not count on many more birthdays, but I feel privileged to have the time left to organise my family and my affairs.

I am also a Palliative care volunteer here in Canberra Australia and cherish the time that I am able to spend with residents at the local Hospice and in the community.

As part of my volunteer work I occasionally attend funeral services for those with whom I have had contact and I am always surprised at the number of people who turn up to the service or the following Wake. I think it’s a pity that the individual has not had the opportunity for a last farewell with friends and acquaintances.

I think the idea of a living funeral is a great one and I intend to invite one and all to my ‘Transition Party’
(don’t want to scare them off with the name) while I am still able to appreciate it. I’m hoping that I will get more than three or four attendees and that at least one of them will say something nice about me.

While I personally think this is a great idea, I’m hoping that the attendees will not feel too uncomfortable. Only one way to find out.

Regards and best

Chris