Our deepest gratitude to Dick Bentley and his family for sharing a wonderful life review that really touches on the universal truths of the meaning of life. Mr. Bentley tells us that it’s relationships with people that make the journey interesting and worthwhile. He is striking resemblance to Clint Eastwood. As Bentley tells his stories, we feel as though we have stepped into scenes from Eastwood’s Hollywood films. These are gems of wisdom from a man who so bravely served our country during World War II. Check out his life review video.

He also talks about how important his mother and grandfather were in building the man he is today. His grandfather travelled from England to America at just 17 years old in search of a new life. Likewise, Bentley turned out to be a wanderlust kid growing up in Minnesota with big dreams of one day living in a tropical paradise. At age 16, he hitchhiked to San Francisco and then made his way down to San Diego where he stowed away on a boat to Hawaii. He landed a job with Filipino migrant workers in the sugar cane fields. The sugar cane field foreman had a reputation for treating the migrant workers like slaves. One day, he tried to push Bentley, who was a very mild manner man. Finally, Bentley had enough, turned around, punched the foreman in the head and knocked him out. Everyone thought he was dead. Bentley rose to become a local hero and earned the name “One-Punch Bentley.”

He left the cane fields to work for a company that delivered oil to Pearl Harbor. On the morning of December 7, 1941, he didn’t deliver oil to harbor but he did see the Japanese planes flying so low that he could see the pilot. The day after the attack on Pearl Harbor, he returned to the mainland to become a pilot to fly in World War II. He flew 31 bombing missions from North Africa to Europe.  On the last mission his plane crashed off the coast of Sicily, and he swam for two hours. And an Italian fisherman picked him up. He was taken to the Italian war quarters and became a prisoner of

war to the Germans. General George Patton liberated the prison camp. So Bentley recalled seeing the commander in action on the day of his freedom.  After the war, Mr. Bentley became aerospace engineer and worked on the satellite that made the first transatlantic phone call a reality.

Some 25 years later when Mr. Bentley returned to Hawaii with his family, his daughter recalled the all the Filipinos running up to her father, who was a local legend. They were all cheering “One-Punch Bentley.” He will remain a local legend in Hawaii. And for us, Mr. Bentley will be forever remembered for serving country and giving us gems of wisdom.

The post A Hero’s Life Review Video appeared first on Our Life Celebrations.

Check out the Channel 6 Morning News broadcast that spreads our message to the community. I joined Rob Merritt to talk about the seeds of our mission to celebrate the end of life that began with my book Parting Ways, my column at the OC Register and this blog–a collaboration with Hospice Care of the West.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2jNXJ2DdJk

Our conversation is timely and important at this stage in America’s history when thousands of baby boomers are dealing with these issues and in search of new ways to approach this stage of life.We discussed the changing attitudes that have fueled the wider acceptance of hospice and growing specialty of palliative care in hospitals that have enabled families and communities to be more involved and clear-eyed in life’s last chapter. I shared my personal experiences losing my parents who were cultural markers for these changes. In the late 1980s, my father’s cancer was veiled in denial that led to him to dying, alone, in a hospital while my mother’s cancer prognosis at the turn of the 21^st Century was the opposite. My mom had one of those end-of-life experiences at home surrounded by friends and family who came in her last week to celebrate her much in way you would at wake. Check out my most recent OC Register Column about our experience.

I talked about the commonality of hospice in all the families I report on. We discussed my experiences sitting bedside with patients at Hospice Care of the West. These patients were interviewed in life review to video record the stories of their lives to pass on to the

next generation. I’m convinced video recording a life review interview better prepare the individual, family and community for end of life. This should be a cornerstone in the psychosocial care of a patient and family in hospice.

My hope is one day all the stories I write about here on Celebration2life.com, my column Parting Ways in the OC Register and my book Parting Ways will one day be the norm and not the exception.

The post Spreading Our Message on the Local News appeared first on Our Life Celebrations.

Hospice Care of the West launched a family series of commercials that capture the experiences of recording a life review video for patients and their children. Take a peek…

We interviewed Richard Marting, the son of John Marting, a World War II veteran who epitomized the Greatest Generation. John valued his wife Marjorie of 61 years, being a good father to his two sons and serving his country at war. In the interview with Richard, we discovered the life review video was the greatest gift to his family because John tells his story in his own words. The interview brought three generations of the Marting family together to listen to their patriarch. When Richard watches that video, he feels close to his father again. See commercial here

In the second commercial, we interview Susan Mullins, the remarkable daughter of Mary Burchard, reflecting on the life review interview. Susan says the recorded interview was the most wonderful time spent listening to her mother telling stories. Mary relives her piloting military aircraft in the clouds above America during World War II. Susan and her sister, Eileen McDargh, loved reminiscing in the sun with their mother. Though memories unfortunately fade with time, this life review video preserves Mary’s voice, her laugh, her smile and her extraordinary life journey that will now be passed down now from generation to generation.

The life review program is the brainchild of Donna Miller, Director of Volunteer Services at Hospice Care of the West. She creates these magical moments for families to come together and reminisce at a time when they’re feeling wrenched apart. These life review videos help the hospice patient and their family to pause and remember the good times they’ve shared together. For the children of hospice patients to be able to say that they’ve enjoyed this time with their parents in hospice is a tribute to our mission here at Our Celebration to Life.

To produce these authentic interviews with the children of hospice patients, we called on award-wining documentary filmmaker, Jay Gianukos, who has spent more than a decade filming life stories for families. Hospice Care of the West is the only hospice sitting down with their patients to video record precious life stories to pass on to their families.

These commercials are currently airing on Channel 6 in South Orange County. We hope the commercial series will help people understand the value of recording a legacy of memories for their families, especially at the end of life. Hospice Care of the West is a compass and guide on the end of life journey for these families. It’s not easy when you have to become a parent to your parent. But the life review video helped both of these children to remember the extraordinary lives their parents led even in their most fragile and vulnerable hour of life. Susan helps us all to realize that hospice and the life review video wasn’t just a gift

for her mother, but also for their entire family.

The post Greatest Gift Family Series Commercials appeared first on Our Life Celebrations.

Heidi Gonzalez is a veteran who now serves veterans and their families at Hospice Care of the West. Courtesy of Heidi Gonzalez

Heidi Gonzalez, a military veteran, joined the frontlines of hospice care for the same reason she enlisted in the armed forces to protect the liberties and quality of life we value as Americans. As a hospice consultant for Hospice Care of the West, she witnesses the transformative power of hospice care in the lives of her patients and families.  It was the waning last days of her father’s life when she felt this call to duty.

He was always the strong one making the decisions for his military family when moving to Saudi Arabia, Iran and other places of conflict around the world. She recalls living in Iran when the revolution led by Ayatollah Khomeini started. At her father’s command, they stayed in their home just outside the capital during the early days and witnessed the country collapse. People had no running water and the basics we’ve come to expect in America. She no longer could attend junior high school there. In fact, she remembers signs that read, “Americans get out.”  She and her brother were the only blond ones in their neighborhood. They stuck it out for months weighing out the risks of staying versus leaving, until her father signaled it was time to go. They left everything behind to return to America.

Though a master at navigating in hostile foreign territory, in the end, her father yearned for the familiar. He still knew when the time had come to raise the white flag and call in a different kind of veterans, the expert hospice team, to guide the final leg of his journey. His wish was to live at home surrounded by his family in New Hampshire. Hospice alleviated his pain, made him comfortable at home and helped the family to understand the final hour was near. That’s when Heidi flew in after receiving his call.

Heidi sat at his bedside and held her father’s strong hands. The hands she once reached up for as a child in need of protection on an unfamiliar crowded street. Time had flown since then. She was now 40 years old. He had waited all of those years for his only daughter to give him a grandchild, but his wish had never become a reality until his last hour.

“Dad,” she said rubbing his hand. “I’m pregnant, I’m going to have

a baby.”

Even in his weaken condition, he beamed proudly and she witnessed joy fill her father.

Later she realized upon reflection that her family could experience unexpected joy and celebrate life with help hospice even in the shadow of death. Often families don’t get this time because they wait too long to bring on hospice and accept that it’s time to say good-bye. Heidi understood from a personal experience that introducing hospice early helped focus the family on realizing the limitations of medicine and accepting the time had come to raise the white flag. If he would’ve kept fighting, he might have died unexpectedly and not shared that last moment with his daughter learning about the birth of his grandson.

She has always looked up to her father to give her direction in life. He exposed her at a young age to the conditions outside of America that helped her understand why she should serve her country. When she was old enough to make the decision for herself, she joined the armed forces. She served during the Cold War in classified communications in Texas and then in Germany. After her service and living overseas in the military, she returned to civilian life in search of her second calling. Soon after her father’s passing, she knew the combination of her military background and personal experiences could help veterans. The experience at her father’s bedside fortifies her passion about educating families and her community early about the benefits of hospice care.

She is dedicated to veterans and their families as a consultant for Hospice Care of the West. She has learned that education is the best way to combat their fears. The unknown is territory where fears abound. In a way, she creates a roadmap for them into this unknown, so that they have a

clear path and understanding of how hospice care can bring comfort and peace to their end of life journey. She is also equipped with an artillery of resources to specially assist veterans such as enrolling them in financial aid for in-home care. She also organizes a plan of care tailored to their specific needs based on wartime experiences. Heidi also can arrange to obtain lost medals and dog tags.

If the veterans wish, she can arrange a life review video to record their wartime experiences and their life wisdom to pass on to the next generations. Toward the end, she can assist families in organizing funeral rites to honor the veterans. As for those memorable moments she experienced with her father in hospice, Heidi equips families with the resources to make the the right decisions and arrangements that lead to a peaceful setting in the home for veterans to celebrate their lives and military service.

The post From the Military to Hospice: A Life of Service appeared first on Our Life Celebrations.

Hospice Care of the West is dedicated to celebrating and serving veterans.

Veterans Day is a time to reflect on the lives and life experiences so many men and women dedicated to secure the liberty and protect the freedoms that unite us all as Americans. In honor of the their service, Debbie Robson, the Executive Director at Hospice Care of the West, is on a mission to give the viagra online canadian pharmacy service these veterans and their families deserve with a guide to access the benefits and care that will preserve their quality of life today and heritage to pass on to the next generations tomorrow. The inspiration came when reading Deborah Grassman’s book “Peace at Last: Stories of Hope and Healing for Veterans and Their Families.”

The time has come in our nation’s history when one in four Americans are veterans in need of care to ensure their dignity in life’s last chapter. Debbie is focused on shedding light on this transitional time in the lives of veterans.

Dee J. Valentine, a Hospice Care of the West patient, receives the flag from the Military Color Guard at his 100th birthday life celebration. Courtesy of Michelle Miller

Every patient who enters service at Hospice Care of the West is asked if he or she has ever served in the military. If the answer is yes then the nurse goes through the Military History Checklist that helps fine tune and tailor a plan of care for the veteran. Debbie and her team have come to recognize that each veteran depending on when and where he or she served in war actually have a unique set of needs. The military history checklist is just one of the many resources from the organization We Honor Veterans that equips hospice professionals with necessary information and resources to better serve veterans. She and her team at Hospice Care of the West have gone through training to understand post traumatic stress syndrome and evaluating veterans’ physical and psychosocial care through the lens of past war experiences. This knowledge prevents any misunderstandings in caring for the veterans who may encounter mental troubles. Nurses and the entire hospice care team are proactive in ensuring peace and comfort for the veterans and their families.

Often veterans who served in combat struggle with their life review which happens naturally to each one of us facing the end of life, but can be traumatic when vivid scenes of conflict arise in one’s mind. A life review is when a person relives moments from the past in the present. In most cases this is very uplifting and enlightening experience as a person takes stock of his or her life, but sometimes points of conflict, guilt and regret come up. The social workers, nurses and spiritual care coordinators at Hospice Care of the West have been trained to recognize and bring peace to these restless moments. On the same note, volunteers at Hospice Care of the West, video record the veteran’s life stories in a life review interview that is edited with pictures and music then given as a gift to the families. See a sample of John Marting’s life review interview and a recent life review story on Mary Burchard, a rare woman pilot who served in World War II.

Aside from the day-to-day care and support Hospice Care of the West provides, Debbie and her team also have a network of folks they work with to connect Veterans to the resources that will help honor their end of life journey.

Honor Flight is a special organization flying Veterans to the World War II Memorial in Washington D.C. This tour of honor that includes flight and trip accommodations is a gift given to Veterans near the end of their lives.

H3 Assist, a company specializing in home care, can help veterans stay in their homes longer with government assistance. Often veterans want to stay at home and can receive financial aid to make that last wish a reality. Read the story of a veteran who is 100 years old and living at home. This assistance can also be applied to an assisted living facility if that is where the veteran and his or her spouse have chosen to live.

Dignity Memorial created a Veterans Planning Guide. Courtesy of Dignity Memorial

Dignity Memorial has a special Veterans Planning Guide that helps servicemen and women celebrate their lives and their service to America. They arrange for veterans to obtain lost medals, dog tags and service papers.  The Veterans Planning Guide also provides military families with the

benefits and access to funeral honors such as folding and presenting of the American flag and Taps performance. Dignity also gives a flag case and medal case to preserve these honorable heirlooms for veterans. Planning the ceremony in advance will not only take the burden off the family, but also helps veterans to know how the legacy of their service to America will be honored at the end of their life and live on in the hearts and minds of their loved ones.

“Hospice Care of the West is honored to serve the men and women who have served our country,” said Debbie Robson, Executive Director of Hospice Care of the West. “With these resources, we can identify our veterans and create a peaceful, comfortable environment to celebrate their lives in the company of family and community.”

The post Celebrating and Serving Our Veterans appeared first on Our Life Celebrations.

Mary Buchard is a Hospice Care of the West patient who graced us with her amazing life review video and her service to our country as a female pilot in World War II.

Shortly after the attack on Pearl Harbor young men lined up at enlistment offices all across America to serve their country in World War II. Some two years later,  Dr. Mary Burchard, peered out of her medical practice window in Pennsylvania. She was an airplane pilot hobbyist and yearned to fly fulltime. Below, the main street bustled with new enlistees marching off to war. She left her practice that afternoon and told her Daddy, “I want to join the military.”

Dr. Mary was already breaking barriers as the only woman doctor in town. Her brother for some reason couldn’t serve and she wanted to represent her family in serving their country. Mary exemplifies the Greatest Generation, yet her military story is uniquely told through the lens of a woman. Mary valued her parents, church and her country. She felt the call to serve just like the young GIs.

When her father finally gave his blessing, she left behind a busy medical practice and marched down to city hall with her flight log in hand. The enlistment officer said to her, “We’ve been looking for someone like you.”

Today, some seven decades later during a video recorded life review interview on the patio of her home in Laguna Hills, Mary looks up at the sky. She relishes the roar of an airplane flying by.

Mary Burchard is a member of the Women Airforce Service Pilots (WASP) and received the Congressional Medal of Honor for her service during World War II.

“I hear an airplane,” she says coming out of her reverie. “Lucky devil.”

Mary recalls the first time she took flight in York, Pennsylvania. Her boyfriend was a flight

instructor. Finally, after many days of watching other people go up in the air for flight lessons. Mary turned to her boyfriend and said, “How much to go up?”

“Nothing, for you,” he said. She climbed into the cockpit of the airplane. Once above the clouds, he asked Mary if she was ready to take over. With ease, she flew the plane.

“You’re a born pilot,” he said. Not much later, Mary bought and flew a plane of her own.

At age 95 years old, in the company of her proud daughters, Susan

Mullins and Eileen McDargh, she recalls piloting military aircraft in the skies over America during World War II. Donna Miller, the Director of Volunteer Services at Hospice Care of the West, leads the interview with questions from behind the video camera.

Mary Burchard with her boyfriend, Will, in her early pilot days. Courtesy Susan Mullins

A volunteer video editor will then mix the video with music and a montage of pictures cheap viagra from the family archives, so that Mary’s remarkable history will be preserved. Though in her final season of life and physically feeble, she exudes courage, faith and strength that will no doubt inspire generations to come as she recounts very rare military experiences.

In 1942 there were so few pilots to serve in combat that the military was in search of women to fly military aircraft stateside. About 25,000 women volunteered to join Women Airforce Service Pilots, about 1,800 were accepted and trained. At the end of rigorous training to “Fly the Army Way” on the Avenger Field in Sweet Water Texas, 1,078 women pilots graduated and join the armed forces. Mary and her graduating class became historical figures, inspirational women role models.

“We were considered officers,” Mary proudly recalls.

After her service ended, she joined the Red Cross to open social canteens for soldiers awaiting their orders to return home. She would dance the night away at the officers club. She recalled playing piano in the recreation hall overseas. She even sang songs during the interview from that era. At the end of the war, she rode home on a troops ship where she met her husband Jack McDargh.

With Donna’s questions, Mary reflects on becoming a mother after the war. She and her daughters sing songs together just as they would growing up. Their reminiscing turns to family vacations and their last trip to Ireland.

Mary Burchard embraced by her daughters, Eileen McDargh and Susan Mullins. Courtesy of Susan Mullins

Mary’s daughters lean in to get closer to their Mom and then they hug.

“You are the best Mom in the world,” Susan says. Eileen echoes the sentiment.

“You know I love you more than you know,” Mary says embracing her daughters. For a moment, the veteran pilot softens to bask in the warmth of their affection.

As the interview closes, Donna asks,

“What do you want your family to remember about you?”

Mary smiles as she looks at her daughters.

“I was very daring!”

The post World War II Woman Pilot Takes Flight appeared first on Our Life Celebrations.

The Parting Ways column at the Orange County Register spotlights Dee J. Valentine, a veteran and hospice patient, holds a living funeral. Read the column below…

Dee J. Valentine celebrates 100 years of life with his 200 friends and family just four weeks after he enters hospice. Photo Courtesy of Michele Miller

MISSION VIEJO – Dee J. Valentine entered hospice and could’ve waited for his heart to slow to the last beat, but instead he invited 200 of his family and friends from across the county to celebrate his 100 years of life.

Some believe that hospice is about dying because you must have a prognosis of six months or less to live, but as Valentine shows, it’s about care focused on your dignity, comfort and independence in your home instead of an institution.

Four weeks into hospice, Valentine shone like a dignitary amid the arriving guests at the clubhouse of the Casta del Sol retirement community in Mission Viejo.

The opening festivities evoked a memorial service: A military color guard performed a flag-folding ceremony against a backdrop of poster-size sepia photos of Valentine: As a baby, child, high school graduate

and Army lieutenant.

Valentine relished the pomp and pageantry as the color guard presented the flag that had flown over the Capitol to commemorate his birthday and his military service. He served in World War II and the Korean War, mainly in intelligence services because he speaks four languages — French, German, Spanish and English.

Dee J. Valentine’s birthday felt like a living memorial service with the Color Guard folding a flag to commemorate his 100 years of life and service in World War II and the Korean War. Photo Courtesy of Michele Miller

For hours, he greeted his guests, who stood in line, perusing family and military photo albums, signing the guest book and picking up the party favors — crossword puzzles. Valentine attributes his sharp mind at 100 to the puzzle pastime that he took up while living in France during WWII. When he returned from war, he devoted 25 years to Los Angeles schools as a safety specialist and a teacher of driver’s education and French.

Valentine recognized nearly every face in line and spoke charmingly in French to some of his guests. His humor turned many of the poignant tears into laugher. Person after person hugged him, thanking him for being a pillar of support for their families. As an elder of his church, he visited many families to ensure they were keeping their homes peaceful and centered on God. Church bishop Gary Blum thanked him for being a “home teacher” to his son. Blum said his now 21-year-old son has followed the same spiritual path, learning by example from Valentine’s teachings and becoming a “home teacher” too.

On a grand piano beside Valentine, a pianist played the standards from each period of his life. His daughter, Michele Miller, 62, looked on at what she called a “living funeral” because the party allowed everyone to pay tribute to her father.

“I feel a lot of love in this room,” she said. “As our patriarch, he is bringing all the family together before he leaves.”

Dee J. Valentine receives a flag flown over the Capitol  and folded by the Military Color Guard to honor his 100 Birthday and military service. Photo/Courtesy of Michele Miller

She said the family was reuniting for the first time in years. She was pleased that they didn’t wait until the funeral to honor him.

He loved two wives over his century-long life. He had two children with his first wife Alice who he buried on their 45th wedding anniversary. Miller’s older brother is now deceased. Valentine later married Roma with whom he inherited five children and many grandchildren. He lost Roma in 2003, but her children and grandchildren flew in from Utah, Washington, Arizona and Sacramento to celebrate with him.

Miller said so many people came because Valentine remains engaged. He is fiercely independent and still lives in the home that he bought more than 30 years ago. She moved in with him recently so that he could stay at

home and stay active.

He went on hospice so he could receive supportive care at home, including a home health aide who comes four days a week to help him groom, bathe and exercise so that his daughter doesn’t have to perform such tasks. A nurse comes a few times a week to handle wound care on his legs. Hospice enables him to stay in his home and community.

Many of those community members arrived on canes and in wheelchairs to congratulate him. When folks extended birthday wishes, he responded with one-liners, such as “My second hundred starts today. My real birthday was yesterday.”

He believes in second chances because just weeks before the party, his heart stopped. His home health aide Maribel Cruz from Hospice Care of the West happened to be there and hit his wristband that calls for emergency services. When he woke up in hospital, the doctor offered to implant a pacemaker to kick his heartbeat up from 30 beats a minute. It’s now at 70 with the pacemaker.

“I wanted to stick around for the party,” he said. “Not sure if I would have made it to a 100 or the party without it because I was feeling pretty rocky.”

When the receiving line at the party waned, I sat down to talk to Valentine.

He said, “I’m surprised that so many people would take time out of their busy lives to spend time with me.”

A group of glamorous lady friends joined us. These women in their 80s and 90s from the neighborhood talked about “party hopping.” Another celebration of life was being held nearby, but since Valentine was such a wonderful man, they chose to spend most of the day with him. They told me that more of these celebrations are occurring in their community.

Dee J. Valentine’s celebration of life reunited his family for his 100th birthday that his daughter, Michele Miller, said  was like a living funeral. Photo Courtesy of Michele Miller

Mickey Shultz, 96, dressed in a stylish black hat trimmed with pink ribbon to match a dazzling scarf, sat next to him and puckered up for a big kiss. Her sparkling blue eyes brought a smile to his face. They’d been friends for more than two decades. She wants to make it to 100 like Valentine. After they kissed, she swooped in for a hug. She summed up the sentiment of the day.

“Everyone loves Dee J.,” she said.

About a week later, I visited Valentine, and he was still beaming about the celebration.

“I was happy to renew with old acquaintances,” he said. “I didn’t know I had that much influence on anyone’s life, so I was happy to hear it. Some of those people touched my life too. I was glad for the opportunity to also tell them.”

He has the life most of us wish for at his age — to live independently at home where he plans to stay until he passes away. His advice to those of us wishing for longevity: “Keep breathing,” he said with a laugh.

On a more contemplative note, he said, “Don’t live in the past; you have to live for the future…even today I look forward to growing and make life better for others.”

The post Celebrating Life in Hospice appeared first on Our Life Celebrations.

End of life in many ways is a journey that you must plan for like any other trip into unknown territory. It’s important to make plans for how you want to spend the time you have left to live. For some people the journey will be months, others weeks, or it maybe even as short as days. Either way, a good plan makes for a better trip that allows you and your family to invite in the kind of memorable moments that happen on a trip into the unknown when you’re not scrambling around lost in fear that stirs chaos and ultimately leads to regret for you and your family members. A good end life plan lights the way in what could be an otherwise dark stage of life.

In most cases, your doctor is the first person to give you some recommendations on which direction to go in and some inclination of what that terrain will look like for you. How each doctor approaches that initial end of life care conversation depends on a number of factors. Often times, doctors are reluctant to give a life-limiting prognosis, often because of their own fears. In reality, when the doctor gives the patient a prognosis, he or she is really giving the patient and the family a “gift”.

Recently, Atul Gawande, a surgeon who wrote an excellent article entitled “Last Days” that unfolded the complexities and costs of end of life care in the New Yorker. And later he spoke at the annual New Yorker conference more specifically about “End of Life Conversations.”  As a surgeon, he admitted that he’d botched these conversations with his patients more than once. In his humility, he decided to ask some of the leading palliative care doctors how they approach these difficult conversations.

As patients and family members, we have to remember doctors are use to figuring out the next step in a treatment plan toward healing, but when there are no more treatments, then comes the end of life conversation. Palliative care doctors have been specially trained to care for patients with terminal illnesses. He spoke to many, but found that Dr. Susan Block, Director of the Dana Farber Cancer Institute at Harvard. She carries a mental list of four questions when going in to talk to a patient about end of life care.

Do you know your prognosis?

What are your fears about what is to come?

What are your goals? Or what would you like to do as time runs short?

What are the tradeoffs you are willing to make for the sake of added time?

These questions help her make the right recommendations for the end of life journey. It’s not about do you want a ventilator, or not, Gawande said, it’s about how you want to live and spend the time you have left?

End-of-Life Agenda

Megory Anderson, the founder of the Sacred Dying Foundation and thelogian who specializes in end of life rituals at University of San Francisco, says that people making plans for the end have a three-tiered agenda. The first is taking care of paperwork associated with bringing closure to your life. The second is reviewing one’s life, making amends with people and saying farewell. The last one is less tangible— getting right with God or preparing to meet God. When you look at this end of life journey through that prism you can see why there is an interdisciplinary team in hospice and palliative care to help you.

The paperwork might begin with a few documents listed below that help you organize

your expectations and ensure your family is prepared with a tangible map that will guide the way.

Living Will

Your living will is a legal document that is used in the medical field to provide doctors and your family with your decisions about life-saving and life-prolonging treatments, i.e. life support like a ventilator or a heart shock, in the event you become incapacitated. In this document you state who is your healthcare proxy to carry out these decisions for you.

The living will is for the medical field.

POLST

Physician Orders for Life Sustaining Treatments

The Physician Orders for Life Sustaining Treatments is a recognized end of life planning document among the healthcare community. The POLST allows healthcare professionals to become aware of the patient’s wishes for care and honor them. The POLST form is a physician order that is representative of the patient’s desires and is instrumental in focusing on the conversation before you become seriously ill. The POLST does not replace the Advance Health Care Directive (AHCD).  ACHD allows you to name a healthcare decision maker if in the future you are unable to communicate your wishes for yourself.

Visit www.capolst.org

Five Wishes

There is a really great resource called The Five Wishes that combines the living will and last wishes into one document that can be ordered online. It’s filled with questions and suggests that help your family and doctor know the following:

•    Who you want to make health care decisions for you when you can’t make them.

•    The kind of medical treatment you want or don’t want.

•    How comfortable you want to be.

•    How you want people to treat you.

•    What you want your loved ones to know.

The End-of-Life Plan

A more informal document is an end-of-life plan for you and your family to prepare for your journey in a similar fashion to a woman who writes a birth plan of how she envisions the birth to go. She writes where she would like to give birth, home or the hospital, the members of her birth team, the interventions she will accept and those she won’t, the people she wants to be present, the music she wants played, the candles she wants lit, the flowers she wants in the room and the list of people she wants contacted with the news. In spending time creating her birth plan, she envisions what she believes will be a peacefully, loving environment for her to give birth.

You also have the right to put together an end-of-life plan that can be verbal or written. It’s good to discuss your expectations, fears and last wishes with your family and caregivers. The end-of-life plan can be a one-sheet or two about how you want your final days to look. You may wish to die at home. You may wish to be surrounded by loved ones. Write a list of those people you wish to accompany you and complete it with contact information. You may want fresh fragrant roses, lilies or irises at the bedside. You may have a specific music playlists of uplifting, comforting music. You may want someone to read you your favorite passages from a Holy Book. You may want a small altar with pictures of your family, or mementoes collected over your life. You may envision a member of the clergy to be present and perform specific end-of-life rituals such as the last rites, or prayers. It’s easier to write down your last wishes to help you feel in control.

There is an excellent kit called Before I Go, You Should Know that you can purchase for $12 from the Funeral Consumers Alliance that can help you ink this plan with signpost type questions and suggestions to point you in the right direction. There will be probing questions followed by blank pages for you to write in your wishes.

Will

The traditional will is a written record of your tangible personal possessions and property accumulated over your lifetime. These valuables are listed and then you direct how you wish distribute them. This can be created with a family law attorney.

Living Trust

The living trust is an excellent tool to protect your family from probate after you pass on. In America after the death, the assets of the estate listed in the will can be tied up in probate court for a year or longer before transferred to your family members. A protective living trust is a legal document that can be created by a family law attorney so that your assets go into a trust and then transfer directly to your beneficiaries when you pass on.

Ethical Will

The Ethical Will is an instrument to guide you in reviewing your life and passing on the more intangible valuables—values, morals and life lessons—gained over a lifetime. These wills date back to Biblical times and are an instrument used to bestow your wisdom on the next generations. In the past, these wills served as reflections of the past, a person’s personal history about influential ancestors and lessons learned in life, while also forward-looking to the future in giving an instructional account of how he wished his children to live on after his death. The ethical will ensured the person nearing the end that his history, the experiences that shaped his values and influenced his spiritual beliefs would live on in the hearts and minds of his children. Some people have a special ceremony where you pass on your oral ethical will to your children.

Location/Storage

It’s recommended that you tell a trusted family member or friend where you will store these important documents, be it a fireproof safe at home, or a safe deposit box at the bank or online.

In the kit Before I Go, You Should Know you’ll find pages that you could list where your wills are stored, the passwords to your email accounts, location and key information for a safe deposit box, the code for your online safe deposit box, your funeral plans and more personal messages such as last words to your family. You don’t necessarily need this booklet/kit but it’s an easy access guide, in lieu of it, you could also create a binder for your end-of-life plan, funeral plan and your other instructional accounts and let a trusted family member of friend know its location.

The Final Plan

The final plans, or more specifically the funeral plans, can be something you deal with a funeral home. Or if you are a member of a faith community often there is someone official that can help you and your family to organize the final plan. Some people like to take care of their own final plan rather than leave it in the hands of their bereaved family. This is personal but if you are going to make your own plans, including the family is often a good idea because the funeral is for the survivors. But certainly having your personal touch, buying your last piece of property on earth and planning your life’s final celebration can be a constructive way to deal with some of the fears that comes from trekking into the unknown. Preparations and choices are the key to diffusing fears of the unknown.  Fortunately, there is a menu of choices for how you want your end of life celebration to look and feel, in fact you can even have a living funeral, a celebration before you pass on. If you know the end is near maybe you want to have a sendoff gathering to say farewell to your family and friends before you go. Either way, you may want to think about the list below to focus your wishes.

Memorial service is a ceremony without the body present. And a funeral has the body present either open or closed casket. So the first question is do you want a memorial service or funeral?

Then of course, where do you want this celebration of your life? It can be any place that represents you.
What kind of theme will best evoke you religious or self –themed?

Do you want a military funeral?

What kind of music do you want played?

Who do you want to give your eulogy? Or do you want it to be an open-mic ceremony?

What flowers do you want to be displayed?

What holy book readings or inspirational poems would you like read?

Do you want to return to the elements by earth or fire? Burial or cremation?

What do you want the post-ceremony party to look like?

At a glance now with these tools in place, you and your family have a clearer vision of where you will go on this journey, it no longer feels so unknown which frees you from some of your fears so that you can focus on spending meaningful time, making lasting memories that celebrate your life.

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