I had the pleasure of attending the screening of Lotte Hoffman’s life review video. She invited her care team from Hospice Care of the West and the volunteer life review video editor, Steffani Francis, over for brunch and the video screening. Lotte absolutely loved her life review video, a gift from Hospice Care of the West.  Shannon Moore, the volunteer director, said Lotte, a holocaust survivor, is one of the most interesting women she had ever interviewed for a life review video.

I had to agree as we gathered around to watch the life review on the big screen. Lotte told the story of going into hiding on Kristallnacht, or “Night of Broken Glass,” when the Nazis invaded Jewish homes, synagogues and stores in Germany. They hauled thousands of Jews off to concentration camps that night. As the historic images of Kristallnacht flashed on the screen, Lotte recalled being a child hiding with her mother and sister at the neighbor’s house. She shared this piece of personal history along with many other stories and lessons for posterity. You could see the glimmer in her eye as she flashed forward and backward in time watching her life preserved in a documentary film. This is why we do what we do in the life review video volunteer program to celebrate the lives of our hospice patients and let them know how they will be remembered. Lotte gave us a glimpse of the old world in the present day. Thank you for a lovely brunch Lotte and thank you for sharing your life with us!

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Our deepest gratitude to Dick Bentley and his family for sharing a wonderful life review that really touches on the universal truths of the meaning of life. Mr. Bentley tells us that it’s relationships with people that make the journey interesting and worthwhile. He is striking resemblance to Clint Eastwood. As Bentley tells his stories, we feel as though we have stepped into scenes from Eastwood’s Hollywood films. These are gems of wisdom from a man who so bravely served our country during World War II. Check out his life review video.

He also talks about how important his mother and grandfather were in building the man he is today. His grandfather travelled from England to America at just 17 years old in search of a new life. Likewise, Bentley turned out to be a wanderlust kid growing up in Minnesota with big dreams of one day living in a tropical paradise. At age 16, he hitchhiked to San Francisco and then made his way down to San Diego where he stowed away on a boat to Hawaii. He landed a job with Filipino migrant workers in the sugar cane fields. The sugar cane field foreman had a reputation for treating the migrant workers like slaves. One day, he tried to push Bentley, who was a very mild manner man. Finally, Bentley had enough, turned around, punched the foreman in the head and knocked him out. Everyone thought he was dead. Bentley rose to become a local hero and earned the name “One-Punch Bentley.”

He left the cane fields to work for a company that delivered oil to Pearl Harbor. On the morning of December 7, 1941, he didn’t deliver oil to harbor but he did see the Japanese planes flying so low that he could see the pilot. The day after the attack on Pearl Harbor, he returned to the mainland to become a pilot to fly in World War II. He flew 31 bombing missions from North Africa to Europe.  On the last mission his plane crashed off the coast of Sicily, and he swam for two hours. And an Italian fisherman picked him up. He was taken to the Italian war quarters and became a prisoner of

war to the Germans. General George Patton liberated the prison camp. So Bentley recalled seeing the commander in action on the day of his freedom.  After the war, Mr. Bentley became aerospace engineer and worked on the satellite that made the first transatlantic phone call a reality.

Some 25 years later when Mr. Bentley returned to Hawaii with his family, his daughter recalled the all the Filipinos running up to her father, who was a local legend. They were all cheering “One-Punch Bentley.” He will remain a local legend in Hawaii. And for us, Mr. Bentley will be forever remembered for serving country and giving us gems of wisdom.

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Marie Lasher, patient of Hospice Care of the West, shares her life stories and wisdom in recorded life review video to give as a gift to her family.

At 102 years old, Marie Lasher dresses for the premiere of her life story in a small movie theater near her Laguna Hills, California home. Shannon Sirovy, Director of Volunteer Services of Hospice Care of the West, accompanies Marie in a wheelchair into the elevator. As they enter the elevator, they see posters of Marie on the wall inviting the community to her movie. Yvette Aiello, the volunteer editor of Marie’s life review video, joins them.

“Look Marie, you’re famous,” Shannon says.

“Well, Marie says beaming. “I’ll only sign autographs, no checks.”

As they enter the movie theater, Marie receives a red carpet welcome.

Friends surround her from the community she has lived in for three decades. As she basks in a wave of embraces and endearments from friends, she shines like a star in the spotlight. Wafts of fresh popcorn fill the theater as the guests sit take their seats. The theater is full.

“This is all for me,” Marie says in a coy voice.

As the lights of the theater dim, Marie shows up on screen. And she watches herself on the silver screen retrace her life’s footsteps, stories and lessons that began in Ohio when she was born. Marie shares her personal history and journey that led to the life review interview video recorded by Shannon, Director of Volunteer Services at Hospice Care of the West, just a few week before.

On that memorable afternoon shortly after Marie entered hospice care, her bedroom is transformed into what appears to be the dressing room of a movie star. A video camera is on a tripod set up and make-up is being applied to her face.

Marie selects a red lipstick. She beams like a super star.

“I think that will show up better on the camera,” Marie says directing Shannon to put on her lipstick. “I’ll see if I can employee you as my make-up artist

“Alright, Go like this ‘muah’,” Shannon says. “Rub them together.”

“You look beautiful,” says the audience gathered around her in the room.

“Do you want me to wear the oxygen?” Marie says pointing to the oxygen cannula piping oxygen into her nose from a tank.

Tracy Filowitz, of Hospice Care of the West, behind the camera, assures her that it’s not too noticeable on camera.

Shannon tucks a life alert tag into her shirt and straightens the collar around her sweater.
“Should I wear the sweater?” She asks.

Shannon straightens her collar.

“However, I look the best,” she says beaming into the lens of the video camera.

“You look great,” Tracy says from behind the camera. “You look beautiful.”

“You look on here, that’s a good choice of lipstick,” Shannon says as she views the moving image on the video camera.

Shannon sits beside the video camera and begins the interview with asking Marie’s name and birth details.

“My date of birth, honest to goodness, is April 16^th 1910,” Marie says.

“And what city were you born in,” Shannon asks.

“I was born in Cleveland, Ohio,” Marie says.

“Do you recall the name of the hospital, you were born in?” Shannon asks.

“Honey, a mid-wife probably delivered me,” Marie says. “ In those days it was really more mid-wives than hospitals.”

“What’s your earliest childhood memory?”

“More visual to me, I can see myself as a little

girl, about 5 to 6 years old, I can’t remember anything spectacular, I know I was a tomboy, and I would jump from our porch to see how far I could jump. I was raised with three brothers.”

The phone rings interrupting the interview.

Marie answers it.

“Honey, I’m being interviewed, you didn’t know your mother was a popular woman, but they are interviewing me from hospice to get a little bit of my life history,” she says to her son, Lewis, calling from Denver, Colorado.

“I want a copy of everything,” says her son on the phone line to his mother. Marie repeats it to Shannon, who shakes her head saying absolutely, that is why she is doing it for Marie’s children and grandchildren. The life review video interview conducted by Shannon is a gift given to the hospice patients and their families by the volunteer services at Hospice Care of the West. A life review interview retraces the footsteps of a person’s life from birth to childhood, young adulthood to falling in love, lessons learned to chosen religious paths, parenthood to grandparenthood, to wisdoms and hopes and dreams to pass on to the next generation. This life review video is then edited with music and pictures to be passed on so the hospice patient like Marie Lasher knows a tangible legacy of memories and wisdom will live on for her children and grandchildren, great grandchildren and so forth.

“Okay, you’ll get it,” Marie says to her son and hangs up the phone.

“Proceed, she says to Shannon.

Marie shared the story of how her family coming to America from Hungry and Austria. Those of her family that stayed behind, she laments were killed in the gas chambers when the Nazis invaded Europe during World War II.

Marie’s father played pinochle as a weekend gatherings

that brought the family together in America. She knew all her aunts and uncles. Pinochle brought together not only family but also friends from the neighborhood. The gatherings punctuated her childhood while also setting the course for her adulthood. As it was during one of these games that she met and fell in love with the man who would become her husband in 1944 and her son, Lewis, was born in 1945.

“So, you should start counting,” she chuckled. “As is the usual thing with people, when the child is born a little early…” Marie starts counting on her fingers.

“I had a lovely life,” she says smiling.

Her husband owned a bar called “Wander Inn” she said everyone in the neighborhood would say “wander in, stagger out…Though if anyone was drunk in their bar, my husband or his brother would drive them home, they never let them walk the streets.”

Her husband learned the trade of jewelry from her father who was a manufacturing jeweler in New York City. The jewelry business translated to her husband becoming a traveling salesman.

“I had a lot of fun with him,” she says. “We use to showdown at the Biltmore Hotel. I use to work with him selling jewelry.”

Since her husband was out of town a lot, she was a father and a mother to her son, Lewis. She spoke of keeping the books for her husband’s business as a jeweler.

“I took him to his baseball games,” she says. “I was a scout mother, I had the scout meetings at my house. I was active in the PTA in the elementary school, junior and senior high because I felt it was my duty as my mother.”

Marie like many women today struggled to care for her son, her aging father, keeping her husband’s books and working as a secretary.  Eventually, she became a senior clerk in Los Angeles County Adoption Services.

Marie’s religious life began from the day she was born into a Jewish family. Her mother kept a Kosher home. She attended a synagogue in her youth and was married in that synagogue in Ohio. Later, when she migrated to California because of her son’s asthma, she and her husband joined a synagogue in Los Angeles. Marie dedicated her life to volunteering in the temple and also civic duty.

“I enjoy being a volunteer,” she says.

Marie talked about how her parents observed the holy days and how they attended services in the temple at sundown. She remembered as a child always receiving new clothes for the holidays. Marie pulls out the Bible that she carried and read as child in Sunday school. During an earthquake, the Bible was ruined. And her niece recently had it restored and re-bound with her family history, which make the book valuable at so many levels for Marie.

Marie then looked directly into the camera and said as if to the next generations.

“Know your parents backgrounds,” she said. “And what they did, if you can make a recording like this, you will be amazed in later years. You don’t want to be left asking why didn’t I ask mom or dad this. If you ask now, you’ll know for the future.”

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Terry Martin, an icon in the surfing world, sat down with us in his last weeks to record a life review interview. Check out the video. It’s an epic ride through surfing history. This exceptional soulful man took us on a journey into his past sharing revelatory moments that shaped his life and the nature of surfing.
The life review video was recorded and edited by Jay Gianukos, a life story documentary filmmaker, who heads the volunteer life review video program at Hospice Care of the West, a hospice in Orange County and Los Angeles. For those unaware, a life review is a natural looking back process as we look toward the sunset of life. Since the beginning of time, we’ve been looking back over our lives and passing on the wisdom gained in life to pass on to the next generations. That wisdom guides our evolution as a human race. I feel privileged to be witness a to these arcane moments when someone like Terry Martin passes on those lessons, spiritual and soulful acumen gained surfing the waves of life. Here’s one from his life review.

“One of the things that made it very simple for me in life was one of the scriptures, as a kid that I read,” Terry said. “For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and losses his soul in the process. From that day forward I had a brand new set of priorities.”

He reflected on that defining moment in his childhood when seeing surfers for the very first time in the “breakers”, waves, on the coast of San Diego.

“I saw surfing for the first time,” he said looking out as if glimpsing with awe these surfers.”There’s no ropes like water skiing, there’s nothing but balance and flirting with gravity to keep yourself in the wave.”

And he remembered how back in his day, there were no surfboard shops, you either made one or you bought someone’s old board. At just 14 years old, Terry made one.

He reflects on how he was given the divine gift of being able shape with a veteran sculptor’s hands. He could see the board in a plank of wood and later foam. As he described the magic of shaping, it was as if I was standing right there in his shop watching the board come to life. Terry would shave and shape until the board in his mind was realized, and tangible in his hands.

Just as any inventor will tell you, at first he was banished by his idols on the beach for reinventing the traditional heavy board into a lighter surfboard that liberated him to finesse a wave. But then when other surfers saw him in action on his first day out, they wanted a piece of the action. Before he knew it, Terry was making boards for all the surfers on his break and then a professional board company Hobie. By the end of his life, Terry shaped more than 80,000 boards. In this life review, he reflects on the questions he would ask each surfer who came into the shop. Well, he would say.

“Where do you like to surf?”
“What is your favorite thing to do on the board?”

And his interview led him to literally visualize the perfect board for this surfer in front of him. It never ceased to amaze him that the surfer would call him after a week or so say how much fun he was having on the

board. What a wonderful life, Terry lived to create an instrument of fun! That’s why it’s not surprising that at hundreds of surfers turned out to pay tribute to Terry’s life. This is truly one of the most epic life reviews, I’ve witnessed. Let’s just say, I’ve seen many. Terry Martin is truly in a class shaped of his own.

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Hospice Care of the West launched a family series of commercials that capture the experiences of recording a life review video for patients and their children. Take a peek…

We interviewed Richard Marting, the son of John Marting, a World War II veteran who epitomized the Greatest Generation. John valued his wife Marjorie of 61 years, being a good father to his two sons and serving his country at war. In the interview with Richard, we discovered the life review video was the greatest gift to his family because John tells his story in his own words. The interview brought three generations of the Marting family together to listen to their patriarch. When Richard watches that video, he feels close to his father again. See commercial here

In the second commercial, we interview Susan Mullins, the remarkable daughter of Mary Burchard, reflecting on the life review interview. Susan says the recorded interview was the most wonderful time spent listening to her mother telling stories. Mary relives her piloting military aircraft in the clouds above America during World War II. Susan and her sister, Eileen McDargh, loved reminiscing in the sun with their mother. Though memories unfortunately fade with time, this life review video preserves Mary’s voice, her laugh, her smile and her extraordinary life journey that will now be passed down now from generation to generation.

The life review program is the brainchild of Donna Miller, Director of Volunteer Services at Hospice Care of the West. She creates these magical moments for families to come together and reminisce at a time when they’re feeling wrenched apart. These life review videos help the hospice patient and their family to pause and remember the good times they’ve shared together. For the children of hospice patients to be able to say that they’ve enjoyed this time with their parents in hospice is a tribute to our mission here at Our Celebration to Life.

To produce these authentic interviews with the children of hospice patients, we called on award-wining documentary filmmaker, Jay Gianukos, who has spent more than a decade filming life stories for families. Hospice Care of the West is the only hospice sitting down with their patients to video record precious life stories to pass on to their families.

These commercials are currently airing on Channel 6 in South Orange County. We hope the commercial series will help people understand the value of recording a legacy of memories for their families, especially at the end of life. Hospice Care of the West is a compass and guide on the end of life journey for these families. It’s not easy when you have to become a parent to your parent. But the life review video helped both of these children to remember the extraordinary lives their parents led even in their most fragile and vulnerable hour of life. Susan helps us all to realize that hospice and the life review video wasn’t just a gift

for her mother, but also for their entire family.

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Watch the Life Review Video on John Marting and read the excerpt on his life review from my book Parting Ways…On a rainy winter afternoon, John Marting sat poised in an oversized chair surrounded by his sons, grandson, daughters-in-law and wife, for his video recorded life review interview. He emanated a stalwart fatherly presence epitomizing the “Greatest Generation” defined by Tom Brokaw as the young GIs devoted to their country, prosperity of the middle class and above all loyal to their families.
http://youtu.be/_yRKRtf53rM

“Alright everyone,” said Donna Miller, a hospice practitioner, drawing the attention of John’s family. As the clock ticked loudly toward John’s eleventh hour, Donna, founder of the life review video program at Hospice Care of the West, raced against time to rescue and record John’s life story, in his own voice,

to leave as a parting gift to his family and future generations. He battled lung cancer and Alzheimer’s disease like a bull and lived beyond his physician’s prognosis.

She craned over to view the monitor atop a digital video camera on a tripod operated by the cameraman, Robert, a 54 year-old high school teacher and hospice volunteer. She gave him the

cue. He hit record.

On the screen, John sat against a backdrop of his prized possessions—framed pictures of his sons, Larry and Richard at their college graduations, now both are in their mid-50s, and his 50^th wedding anniversary picture with his wife. His face animated to a smile radiating his laugh lines, whiting temples and creases on his baldhead, when his daughter-in-law approached him.

“You’re a movie star today Dad,” she said upon embracing John.

“Thank you,” he said.

“You’re a superstar to us everyday. We love you Dad,” his daughter-in-law said.

His wife Marjorie, a petite woman exuding a regal presence, sashayed up to John and pursed her lips together. She was a year his junior. They sweetly kissed each other and she said in a soft voice, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” John beamed up at Marjorie and then turned to the camera. “I’m glad I married this woman.”

Richard, John’s youngest son standing 6’4 lent down to noticeably relish a long embrace. Larry, a brawn rugged guy, gingerly approached his father. Instead of hugging, they sort of awkwardly rubbed cheeks. John’s grandson, 21-year-old Dan Marting, swooped in and whispered, “I love you grandpa” and hugged him. Richard lived nearby in Newport Beach, but Larry’s family drove more than 100 miles to participate in this unique event.

John carefully took long gazes at each of his family members and surprisingly remarked, “I’ve never felt so much warmth and love in this room.”

He was right, the warmth and love was palpable, and often is after the parade of affection that Donna suggests at the opening of every life review video. It melts the tension.

“Are you ready John?” Donna asked.

“Yeah,” he said with a big grin. “I don’t have any secrets, so go ahead.”

“Well, if you have secrets, they might make this even better,” she said.

Before Donna started, she invited the family to jump in and ask questions upon inspiration then she led John on a reminiscing tour of his life starting with his birth and boyhood in Missouri. He spoke fondly of his mother, a homemaker, and his father, a General Electric salesman. John vividly recalled his initiation into manhood that followed the Pearl Harbor bombing when he lined up with hundreds of young men at the enlistment in St. Louis, Missouri.  He started to doze a bit during the interview, so Robert suggested Marjorie join him to talk about the magical moment when they met at her sister’s wedding. He was the best man and she was the maid of honor. Shortly, after they married on a foggy night, at a small church without a center aisle.

“Where was your first home?” Donna asked.

“Parking Lot C for LAX now,” Marjorie said. “It was a tiny Marlow Burns tract house that we paid $3,700.”

John and Marjorie held hands as they reminisced about the births of Larry and Richard born 21 months apart. Marjorie sent them off to pre-school and she went back to school to get her master’s degree. She became a high school teacher and then assistant principal at Van Nuys High School. They were Little League parents. Their early life led into his career as a draftsman for General Petroleum, which eventually became Mobile Oil. Then Donna turned the interview back toward home and leisure.

“John do you have any hobbies?” Donna asked.

“Well how would you say it, family” John replied. “Yep, that pretty much sums it up.”

“What about gardening?” Marjorie added.

“That’s not a hobby,” John grinned

The family collectively reminisced about holidays, traditions and family vacations. They spoke about their sons growing up and eventually leaving home to go off to college. Donna then turned the life review toward retirement and life reflections.

“So looking back on your life do you have any regrets?” Donna asked.

John sat back in the chair as all his family members leaned in. He closed his eyes to ponder the question.

“I didn’t follow through on my goal,” John said.

“What goal?” Marjorie asked with a look of puzzlement.

“Following up on my education. Of course, the biggest obstacle was money,” John said.

“John, is there anything you want your family to know? “ Donna asked.

His family patiently waited. For a man short on words, shorter on compliments, finding the voice to express what lay heavy on his heart was challenging. He expressed his love in action, not in words. He taught his sons by example not with long-winded speeches about morals and values. Just sitting back and observing their father’s actions taught them how to be a good man, a good father.

John closed his eyes for so long that Donna thought he’d fallen asleep.

“John,” she said.

“Well, I’m just glad they put up with me, I hope I was a good father because that’s what’s important to me,” he said. “I’m proud of our family, you’ve all done well and I’m proud of what you’ve accomplished.”

At that moment the room was silent with the exception of sniffles. Robert looked up from his camera to wipe his own glistening eyes. He turned the camera to pan the room for the family to express their feelings.

Through a misty gaze at his father, Larry said, “It’s been really interesting to listen to what you have to say, I heard a lot of new things today, my respect for you and my love for you just grows.”

Donna watched the Marting family console one another in long embraces and Robert turned off the camera. Donna never could predict what might transpire during a two-half hour interview but gathering the family together at the end usually pushed heartfelt emotions to the surface. That’s really her goal to create an opportunity for her patient to share his or her life story but also for the family to sit, listen and respond. The video camera and interview helps everyone to focus on the present reality. It’s hard to avoid your father dying when he’s expressing his last words in a filmed interview for posterity.

Robert and Donna talked with Marjorie and John about their favorite music. Robert collected photographs of John’s life from the family. The raw video footage and photographs would now return to Robert’s classroom at Laurel High School where his students would help him edit the video.

The Making of a Life Movie

A few years ago, I answered an ad for a life review interviewer on Volunteermatch.com that led me to Donna Miller, now the director of volunteer services at Hospice Care of the West. I was interested in writing about her life review videos for my forthcoming book, Parting Ways. I leaned how as a volunteer, a friendly visitor at the bedside, she had spent hours listening to hospice patients reviewing their past lives and thought how valuable these precious pieces of family history would be for their children and grandchildren. Finally one day in autumn of 2005, she decided to ask one of her patients if he would be interested in recording his stories on a video camera in a life review interview to pass on to his daughters as a gift. His daughters joined him on the interview as he embarked on a fascinating journey retracing his life guided by Donna’s list of questions to trigger reflections from his birth to the present.

Donna had cared for her own in-laws in her home at the end of their lives, but became so wrapped up in their physical care, she missed sitting down and recording their life stories. With their last breaths went generations of family history. She knew from personal and professional experience that families tied up with the rigors of terminal illnesses were too busy to do this themselves but open and grateful for Donna to come in and record one last conversation with their matriarch or patriarch. Shortly before I met Donna, she had connected with Robert Ostmann, high school teacher, at Laurel High School in Los Alamitos. She needed a volunteer video editor to marry the interviews with music and pictures that gave visual images to the stories shared in the interview. Robert and his students became her video editors and they called these classroom projects “life movies.” They now give these videos as gifts to the families all produced with volunteered time and skills.

Andy Rooney once said, “The best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.”  I decided to visit Robert and his students to see how they turned the interview into what they called “life movies” a documentary-style video with music and photos melded seamlessly together with the raw edited interview. At 9:01 a.m. the first bell rang at Laurel High School in Los Alamitos and the students poured through the doors of Mr. Ostmann’s classroom, which looked more like a buzzing television newsroom stacked wall to wall with computers stations, video editing equipment and video cameras.

They worked diligently flipping through family photo albums and scanning photos into the computer. Others listened to life review interviews and cut them into clips to assemble on a story timeline in Final Cut Pro, a video-editing software program. On the computer screen, one man talked about what Los Angeles looked like with dirt roads and rumbling Model-Ts, how gas was only a nickel and the sound of high rises being built. A student commented on his project saying it was “like a California history lesson from orange groves to high rises.” Mr. Ostmann was proud of his observation because that’s one of his hopes in bringing these video projects into the classroom to teach the students about history, the building blocks of a story and how to find a narrative line. After they cut the video into clips grouped in different time periods and then they are challenged with assembling those video clips into a coherent narrative complemented by pictures and lastly music.

Mr. Ostmann uses the videos as a teaching tool about life progression—showing the students how these people’s lives develop from playing as kids in school, growing into young single adults starting careers or going off to war, taking on the responsibility of nurturing a family, being a good parent, building a home, dealing with the reality of crises and illness.

The Premiere of the Life Movie

Twelve days after the interview, John took his last breath in the familiar comfort of home and family. His daughter-in-law called Donna to ask if it was possible to have the video to play at John’s funeral. Robert Ostmann said it would be a squeeze but he and the students could probably pull it off.

The following Saturday morning, just over a 100 people filled the pews at Creekside Christian Fellowship in Irvine. After the dozen tributes, the lights dimmed, John appeared on a four-foot by four-foot screen at the front of the sanctuary to complete the portrait everyone tried so desperately to recreate of him. The song “I will remember you” by Sarah McLachlan played as a larger than life still photo of John smiling at his 50^th Wedding Anniversary illuminated the silver screen at the front of the church. The still photo faded to black and John appeared on screen to introduce himself looking dapper at home.

John tells stories of his birth, birthplace and childhood complemented by a black and white baby picture of him in a sailor suit followed by a picture of John at 3 years old next to his tricycle in the front yard in Missouri. Photos of John on his father’s shoulders and holding on to his mother’s hand strolled across the screen to the faint hymn of “Amazing Grace”.

On screen Donna asked, “What kind of child were you?”

John said, “small.”

The laughter of his family on screen joined the audience laugher in the sanctuary. As John spoke about his years going off to war, images of the young marine, bent on one knee and lying down on his belly aiming his rifle, shot across the screen.  A close up of John and Marjorie’s hands folded into one another came into focus as the song “Daisy Bell” and the lyrics he always sang to her “A Bicycle Built for Two” played. Marjorie narrated their love story.

“We were thrown together,” she smiled and then squeezed John’s hand.

Marjorie and John’s commentary enlivened the medley of still photos of

their courtship, wedding and early years of parenthood. They sat on the front porch of their first home, held the hands of their sons while hiking on camping trips in Yosemite. As the documentary came to a close, John rested his head back in the chair and then leaned forward as if talking directly to the audience and said, “Looking back, I think I’ve done pretty well.”

His words were marked by the family bathing him in love and affection followed by a slideshow harmonized by the Beatles song, “In My Life: There are places I Remember,” sang by Judy Collins. At the end of the slide show a black screen darkened the sanctuary and Donna’s voice could be heard saying, “Hey John”, “Hey John”.

The dark sanctuary was once more illuminated by John popping up his head from a blissful doze on screen and his voice exclaimed, “I’m just resting my eyes,” followed by his familiar guttural belly laugh. The audience laughed along with John and then stood for an ovation as the credits rolled. It was spectacular.

Tears of joy slid out of Donna’s eyes. “That was amazing,” she whispered under her breath.

The pastor took the stage and was noticeably breath taken by the video.

“Wow, that was remarkable,” he said. “I don’t know if you all were thinking about what I was thinking but I have to ask, “Are we really saying the things we need to say to those we love? Are we leading the lives that we’d be proud of if we were in John’s shoes being asked these questions at the end of life?”

After the service, Larry approached Donna in a long embrace.            

“Thank you…your timing was perfect, we said the things we needed to say and heard the things we needed to hear at the right time,” Larry said. In that moment of loss the family gained. They gained John’s life story told through his reflections and not hand-me down stories. People came up to the Marting family to give their condolences but also to express their awe over such a wonderfully told life story.
“I really felt like I got to know John,” one woman said.

“This was the best service, I’ve ever been to,” said one man and everyone crowded around agreed.

“It beautifully captured everything great about John his smile, his humor and his love for family,” another man said.

Richard and his family gathered around Donna to again express their gratitude.

“His voice and his life story will be forever preserved,” Richard said hugging Donna and almost sweeping her off her feet. “Thank you so much. Years from now his grandchildren will be able to meet and learn about their Great Great Grandfather John Marting and the incredible life he led.”

Students Receive Recognition and Awards

A couple months later, the Los Alamitos School Board invited Robert and his students to be recognized for their devotion to hospice patients and their families. Before the ceremony, they gathered with Donna and the Marting family for dinner to celebrate. The Marting family spoke of how the video was the highlight of the memorial service. Richard watched the video a few times after the funeral and recapped his thoughts.

“In your mind you remember things from the past, you can look at still pictures,” he said. “But having the video, it’s like he’s right here, since it’s a conversation that we were involved in, it’s not an 8 milometer-home movie of him pushing us on our bikes from years ago. It was so close to the end so it has real poignant meaning for us.”

At the school board meeting, Robert introduced a sampler video that included the interview with John. The students rose for their honors and John Maxwell, stood like a director on Oscar night, to accept the certificate and standing ovation. Then, Richard Marting took the microphone.

“Excuse me for my misty eyes,” Richard said. “We really wanted to come and give our thanks publicly to Robert Ostmann and his students for creating this life video of my father…The video taped interview provided us with a chance to turn the light on him, focus and listen to our father recollect 61 years of marriage and raising a family. We were able to learn about his greatest joys and regrets. When he was asked ‘What are you most proud of in your life?’ It was the first time I ever heard him say ‘family’. When he was asked ‘what was your greatest regret?” I’d never thought to ask him this, so having this forum really taught us something as well. His response was that he never went to college…I’m sure Robert’s students learned a lot of technical skills from this process and walked away with a sense of accomplish that all of us receive when we finish a project, but I also hope that they took away a greater understanding of family and the love of a father and that’s such a lesson that would make my dad proud.”

Excerpt on Life Review Video from the recently released book Parting Ways: The New Rituals and Celebration of Life’s Passing– by Denise Carson

The post Marine to Father: Our Greatest Generation Tribute appeared first on Our Life Celebrations.

Mary Buchard is a Hospice Care of the West patient who graced us with her amazing life review video and her service to our country as a female pilot in World War II.

Shortly after the attack on Pearl Harbor young men lined up at enlistment offices all across America to serve their country in World War II. Some two years later,  Dr. Mary Burchard, peered out of her medical practice window in Pennsylvania. She was an airplane pilot hobbyist and yearned to fly fulltime. Below, the main street bustled with new enlistees marching off to war. She left her practice that afternoon and told her Daddy, “I want to join the military.”

Dr. Mary was already breaking barriers as the only woman doctor in town. Her brother for some reason couldn’t serve and she wanted to represent her family in serving their country. Mary exemplifies the Greatest Generation, yet her military story is uniquely told through the lens of a woman. Mary valued her parents, church and her country. She felt the call to serve just like the young GIs.

When her father finally gave his blessing, she left behind a busy medical practice and marched down to city hall with her flight log in hand. The enlistment officer said to her, “We’ve been looking for someone like you.”

Today, some seven decades later during a video recorded life review interview on the patio of her home in Laguna Hills, Mary looks up at the sky. She relishes the roar of an airplane flying by.

Mary Burchard is a member of the Women Airforce Service Pilots (WASP) and received the Congressional Medal of Honor for her service during World War II.

“I hear an airplane,” she says coming out of her reverie. “Lucky devil.”

Mary recalls the first time she took flight in York, Pennsylvania. Her boyfriend was a flight

instructor. Finally, after many days of watching other people go up in the air for flight lessons. Mary turned to her boyfriend and said, “How much to go up?”

“Nothing, for you,” he said. She climbed into the cockpit of the airplane. Once above the clouds, he asked Mary if she was ready to take over. With ease, she flew the plane.

“You’re a born pilot,” he said. Not much later, Mary bought and flew a plane of her own.

At age 95 years old, in the company of her proud daughters, Susan

Mullins and Eileen McDargh, she recalls piloting military aircraft in the skies over America during World War II. Donna Miller, the Director of Volunteer Services at Hospice Care of the West, leads the interview with questions from behind the video camera.

Mary Burchard with her boyfriend, Will, in her early pilot days. Courtesy Susan Mullins

A volunteer video editor will then mix the video with music and a montage of pictures cheap viagra from the family archives, so that Mary’s remarkable history will be preserved. Though in her final season of life and physically feeble, she exudes courage, faith and strength that will no doubt inspire generations to come as she recounts very rare military experiences.

In 1942 there were so few pilots to serve in combat that the military was in search of women to fly military aircraft stateside. About 25,000 women volunteered to join Women Airforce Service Pilots, about 1,800 were accepted and trained. At the end of rigorous training to “Fly the Army Way” on the Avenger Field in Sweet Water Texas, 1,078 women pilots graduated and join the armed forces. Mary and her graduating class became historical figures, inspirational women role models.

“We were considered officers,” Mary proudly recalls.

After her service ended, she joined the Red Cross to open social canteens for soldiers awaiting their orders to return home. She would dance the night away at the officers club. She recalled playing piano in the recreation hall overseas. She even sang songs during the interview from that era. At the end of the war, she rode home on a troops ship where she met her husband Jack McDargh.

With Donna’s questions, Mary reflects on becoming a mother after the war. She and her daughters sing songs together just as they would growing up. Their reminiscing turns to family vacations and their last trip to Ireland.

Mary Burchard embraced by her daughters, Eileen McDargh and Susan Mullins. Courtesy of Susan Mullins

Mary’s daughters lean in to get closer to their Mom and then they hug.

“You are the best Mom in the world,” Susan says. Eileen echoes the sentiment.

“You know I love you more than you know,” Mary says embracing her daughters. For a moment, the veteran pilot softens to bask in the warmth of their affection.

As the interview closes, Donna asks,

“What do you want your family to remember about you?”

Mary smiles as she looks at her daughters.

“I was very daring!”

The post World War II Woman Pilot Takes Flight appeared first on Our Life Celebrations.

The life review of Pat White, patient at Hospice Care of the West, hits top story at the OC Register inspiring a Part II.

Pat White’s “tell all” life review interview hit top story at the OC Register with more than 30,000 hits and Yahoo News. The reader response inspired  me to write a part II in the OC Register. Read the column below.

Elizabeth Carroll, 37, arrived at her dying grandmother’s room with the newspaper article revealing the family’s secret connection to notorious bootlegging gangs during Prohibition.

“Nana, did you read this yet?” Elizabeth asked.

“Yes,” Pat White beamed. “Well, I thought about it and I wasn’t going to talk, but then I thought “What are they going to do? Kill me?'” This attitude, Pat was proud to say was her mother’s spirit living on in her.

At 89, “Nana” was dying in a board and care in Mission Viejo. She tried to stay positive and overcome the question “Why is God not taking me?” that reverberated in her mind.

“There must be a reason I’m still here,” she thought.

The life review of Pat White, patient at Hospice Care of the West, hits top story at the OC Register inspiring a Part II.

Pat had kept her family secrets for decades and almost took them to her grave. But Donna Miller, director of volunteer services at Hospice Care of the West, arrived with a video camera to record an interview that let Pat retrace her childhood. She recounted growing up with a bombshell 1920s flapper as a mother and some of America’s most infamous gangsters as her stepfathers.

I participated in that interview and wrote a column. As she looked over the newspaper story with a picture of her and her mother in matching fur coats, Pat said, “OK, I’m done,” with a sigh of relief.

Elizabeth saw an instant peace and release in Pat that day. One week after the article was published, Pat died.

I had a chance to sit down and talk with Elizabeth after Pat’s death to get her side of the story, as many readers asked what her grandchildren thought about these family secrets being published in the Register.

“It’s a huge accomplishment for her,” Elizabeth said. “At the end of her life, literally on her deathbed, you took her from a frail, weak woman to the top of the world. And she could finally let go.”

Elizabeth Carroll, 37, and her grandmother, Pat White, on their usual Saturday afternoon shopping in San Clemente. After Elizabeth’s grandfather and mother died, Pat use to say “It’s just you and me, kid.” Photo Courtesy of Elizabeth Carroll

Because of my experience interviewing my mother as she was dying and following Donna video-recording many life reviews, I’ve seen that recording those stories improves the end-of-life experience for the terminally ill and their families.

A study on the effect of “dignity therapy” on terminally ill patients was published in the medical journal The Lancet in July. The research documented the value of terminally ill patients sharing their stories in a recorded interview, which is transcribed to create a document the patient can

give to family members.

In dignity therapy, the dying are able to pass on their stories, lessons learned in life, last wishes and hopes for the next generation. Dignity therapy focuses on letting the dying guide the next generation and find strength or comfort in knowing that they will leave behind something lasting.

Researchers have also conducted studies with grieving families and reported in the Journal of Palliative Medicine that nearly 80 percent of the families said therapy enhanced their loved one’s dignity and the spoken legacy brought comfort to the living.

Elizabeth understood this implicitly. One of her biggest regrets after her mother died was that she didn’t have any recordings of her voice. So, she began saving all of her voice messages from her grandmother. She has nearly 16, which means her voicemail is almost always full. Since her mother and grandfather died, Elizabeth and her grandmother have become very close.

“It’s just you and me, kid,” Pat would often say.

Elizabeth Carroll of Laguna Beach is framed by images of her grandma’s life. Images of Carroll, her husband and grandma on their world travels are included, bottom right. The posters were featured at White’s memorial reception. CINDY YAMANAKA, THE ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER

At the celebration of Pat’s life at the Ole Hanson Beach Club in San Clemente, Elizabeth and I reflected on how Pat had turned a childhood plagued with gangsters into a life free of any trace of this past.

“(Pat) was born into a life that she didn’t choose, yet she didn’t let it define her,” Elizabeth said. “She never drank, swore, smoked or did drugs. She went to school as a young woman and learned a trade in photography and rose in a man’s world working at Douglas Aircraft.”

Although her grandmother is gone, her legacy continues, and artifacts of her secret life intrigue Elizabeth. She knows the stories behind most of Pat’s jewel heirlooms. But not the more obscure items: The ballpoint pen that shoots nine rounds of bullets or the pen that releases tear gas; the 33-revolver that she slept with beneath her pillow; the velvet lined violin case that concealed a liquor bottle during Prohibition.

Some of the answers are in the life review video Pat left behind.

Hospice volunteer Bob Rank edited the interview into a documentary with pictures and music. When Elizabeth watched the video on the eve of Pat’s 90th birthday, tears of joy flooded her face.

“I was mesmerized even though I know her better than anyone. It was almost like watching a documentary on the History Channel of someone I didn’t know,” she said. “My husband and I just held hands and were crying. We didn’t want it to end. What a gift.”

At the end of Pat’s life celebration, Elizabeth gave copies of the newspaper column to her five other grandchildren and promised copies of the life review video would follow. Then she asked everyone to raise a glass and gave the toast Pat used:

“When nights are long and moons are full and you are lonely too, if you but mention once my name, I’ll know and know you knew. And take a picture of a cloud, the kind we used to see and when you drink that same old drink, turn down a glass for me.”

Dignity Therapy survey

Tell me a little about your life history, particularly the parts that you either remember most or think are the most important? When did you feel most alive?

Are there specific things that you would want your family to know about you, and are there particular things you would want them to remember?

What are the most important roles you have had in life (eg, family roles, vocational roles, community-service roles)? Why were they so important to you and what do you think you accomplished in those roles?

What are your most important accomplishments, and what do you feel most proud of?

Are there particular things that you feel still need to be said to your loved ones or things that you would want to take the time to say once again?

What are your hopes and dreams for your loved ones?

What have you learned about life that you would want to pass along to others? What advice or words of guidance would you wish to pass along to your son, daughter, husband, wife, parents, or other(s)?

Are there words or perhaps even instructions that you would like to offer your family to help prepare them for the future?

In creating this permanent record, are there other things that you would like included?

The post Granddaughter proud of her grandmother’s legacy appeared first on Our Life Celebrations.

I want to congratulate the researchers of the recent Dignity Therapy study published in the Lancet Oncology. The study demonstrates the value of recording a spoken legacy of an individual’s life reflections and hopes for the next generations to pass on to loved ones before death. It’s not easy to place a quantitative value on dignity.

Researchers conclude “based on the findings of this study, clinicians should consider dignity therapy a viable therapeutic approach, which can enhance end-of-life experience for patients and families confronting death.”

The novel psychotherapy entailed audio recording interviews with patients facing six months or less of live. The interviewers stimulated patients to share life recollections and lessons that the patient would like his or her family to remember and hopes and wishes for loved ones the patient would have to leave behind. The recorded interview is transcribed into a generitivity document for the patient to give family members.

Donna Miller, founder of the Life Review Video program at Hospice Care of the West, video records the life review interview of a patient.

This study helps us to understand the value in the life review videos, the brainchild of Donna Miller, director of volunteer services for Hospice Care of the West. For the past five years, I’ve been following Donna video record life review interviews with hospice patients. The interview is then edited with photos and music into life review video that the patient can leave behind for his family. I knew the value of what Donna was giving to patients because I video and audio recorded a series of interviews with my mother reflecting on her life in the months leading up to her death. As I write about in my book, Parting Ways: New Rituals and Celebrations of Life’s Passing, my mother exemplified a picture of dignity in motion in the last months, days and hours of her life. I also shadow Donna and another life review guides in the book to report patients improved sense of dignity because of their life stories are recorded to share with their families and communities.

In my book research, I also interviewed the Harvey Max Chochinov, the principal investigator on phase one of the Dignity Therapy study. He explained to me something I often share with families approaching end of life. One of the biggest assaults on our dignity at the end of life is that nothing of who or what I am will live on after I die.

Dignity Therapy focuses on generativity that researchers describe as “the ability to guide the next generation, encompassing how patients might find strength or comfort in knowing that they will leave behind something lasting and transcendent after death.”

Harvey Max Chonchinov, lead researcher on Dignity Therapy, discovered that the biggest assault on one’s dignity is that nothing of who or what I am will live on after I die.

The randomized study researched 326 patients with a life expectancy of six months or less, receiving palliative care in a hospital or community setting in Canada, the United States and Australia. The other two models of care in the study included testing 111 patients assigned standard palliative care and 107 in client-centered care that focuses on issues of here and now i.e. the psychological distress of the illness but not generativity. There were 108 patients assigned Dignity Therapy. This second phase of the study is a herculean effort in establishing a randomized study of comparative patient experiences across three different methods of end of life care. Chochinov and his researchers concluded that Dignity Therapy provided an enhanced sense of purpose, continued sense of self, and overall sense of dignity.

As I mentioned earlier, it’s difficult to place a value on dignity but the researchers assess that “the therapeutic effect was often ‘profound and poignant’ on those who received Dignity Therapy over those in the study who did not.”

In a couple of examples reported in the study, a 72-year-old woman with bowel cancer stated that “[Dignity Therapy] brought to the forefront that I have to prepare my family to the best of my ability.”

Another 56-year-old woman said: “Mostly, I want my family to know that I’m okay with dying and they must move on. The therapy showed me that I am not the cancer, I am still in here. I am so grateful for that because I lost myself….It really helped me remember who I am.”

In the first phase of the Dignity Therapy in 2005, Chochinov and his researchers reported significant results in the 100 terminally ill patients who participated:

• 91% were satisfied with Dignity Therapy
• 76% reported a heightened sense of dignity
• 68% an increased sense of purpose
• 67% a heightened sense of meaning
• 47% an increased will to live
• 81% that Dignity Therapy had been or would be
  cialis online

  of help to their family

Evaluations post-interview with family members reported:

• 78% reported Dignity Therapy enhanced the patient’s dignity
• 72% reported Dignity Therapy heightened the meaning of life for the patient
• 78% said the generitivity document from the therapy session was a comfort to them in their time of grief
• 95% said they would recommend Dignity Therapy to other patients and their families.

These Dignity Therapy studies illuminate the benefits of spoken legacies and life review videos for both the patients and their families. Below are the questions used in the study.

• Tell me a little about your life history, particularly the parts that you either remember most or think are the most important? When did you feel most alive?

• Are there specific things that you would want your family to know about you, and are there particular things you would want them to remember?

• What are the most important roles you have had in life (eg, family roles, vocational roles, community-service roles)? Why were they so important to you and what do you think you accomplished in those roles?
• What are your most important accomplishments, and what do you feel most proud of?

• Are there particular things that you feel still need to be said to your loved ones or things that you would want to take the time to say once again?

• What are your hopes and dreams for your loved ones?

• What have you learned about life that you would want to pass along to others? What advice or words of guidance would you wish to pass along to your son, daughter, husband, wife, parents, or other(s)?

• Are there words or perhaps even instructions that you would like to off er your family to help prepare them for the future?

• In creating this permanent record, are there other things that you would like included?

Dignity Therapy gives patients the opportunity to leave behind a spoken legacy of their life reflections and hopes for the next generations.I want to congratulate the researchers of the recent Dignity Therapy study published in the Lancet Oncology. The study demonstrates the value of recording a spoken legacy of an individual’s life reflections and hopes for the next generations to pass on to loved ones before death. It’s not easy to place a quantitative value on dignity.

Researchers conclude “based on the findings of this study, clinicians should consider dignity therapy a viable therapeutic approach, which can enhance end-of-life experience for patients and families confronting death.”
The novel psychotherapy entailed audio recording interviews with patients facing six months or less of live. The interviewers stimulated patients to share life recollections and lessons that the patient would like his or her family to remember and hopes and wishes for loved ones the patient would have to leave behind. The recorded interview is transcribed into a generitivity document for the patient to give family members.

Donna Miller, founder of the Life Review Video program at Hospice Care of the West, video records the life review interview of a patient.This study helps us to understand the value in the life review videos, the brainchild of Donna Miller, director of volunteer services for Hospice Care of the West. For the past five years, I’ve been following Donna video record life review interviews with hospice patients. The interview is then edited with photos and music into life review video that the patient can leave behind for his family. I knew the value of what Donna was giving to patients because I video and audio recorded a series of interviews with my mother reflecting on her life in the months leading up to her death. As I write about in my book, Parting Ways: New Rituals and Celebrations of Life’s Passing, my mother exemplified a picture of dignity in motion in the last months, days and hours of her life. I also shadow Donna and another life review guides in the book to report patients improved sense of dignity because of their life stories are recorded to share with their families and communities.
In my book research, I also interviewed the Harvey Max Chochinov, the principal investigator on phase one of the Dignity Therapy study. He explained to me something I often share with families approaching end of life. One of the biggest assaults on our dignity at the end of life is that nothing of who or what I am will live on after I die.
Dignity Therapy focuses on generativity that researchers describe as “the ability to guide the next generation, encompassing how patients might find strength or comfort in knowing that they will leave behind something lasting and transcendent after death.”

Harvey Max Chonchinov, lead researcher on Dignity Therapy, discovered that the biggest assault on one’s dignity is that nothing of who or what I am will live on after I die.The randomized study researched 326 patients with a life expectancy of six months or less, receiving palliative care in a hospital or community setting in Canada, the United States and Australia. The other two models of care in the study included testing 111 patients assigned standard palliative care and 107 in client-centered care that focuses on issues of here and now i.e. the psychological distress of the illness but not generativity. There were 108 patients assigned Dignity Therapy. This second phase of the study is a herculean effort in establishing a randomized study of comparative patient experiences across three different methods of end of life care. Chochinov and his researchers concluded that Dignity Therapy provided an enhanced sense of purpose, continued sense of self, and overall sense of dignity.
As I mentioned earlier, it’s difficult to place a value on dignity but the researchers assess that “the therapeutic effect was often ‘profound and poignant’ on those who received Dignity Therapy over those in the study who did not.”
In a couple of examples reported in the study, a 72-year-old woman with bowel cancer stated that “[Dignity Therapy] brought to the forefront that I have to prepare my family to the best of my ability.”
Another 56-year-old woman said: “Mostly, I want

my family to know that I’m okay with dying and they must move on. The therapy showed me that I am not the cancer, I am still in here. I am so grateful for that because I lost myself….It really helped me remember who I am.”
In the first phase of the Dignity Therapy in 2005, Chochinov and his researchers reported significant results in the 100 terminally ill patients who participated:
91% were satisfied with Dignity Therapy
76% reported a heightened sense of dignity
68% an increased sense of purpose
67% a heightened sense of meaning
47% an increased will to live
81% that Dignity Therapy had been or would be of help to their family
Evaluations post-interview with family members reported:
78% reported Dignity Therapy enhanced the patient’s dignity
72% reported Dignity Therapy heightened the meaning of life for the patient
78% said the generitivity document from the therapy session was a comfort to them in their time of grief
95% said they would recommend Dignity Therapy to other patients and their families.
These Dignity Therapy studies illuminate the benefits of spoken legacies and life review videos for both the patients and their families. Below are the questions used in the study.
Tell me a little about your life history, particularly the parts that you either remember most or think are the most important? When did you feel most alive?
Are there specific things that you would want your family to know about you, and are there particular things you would want them to remember?
What are the most important roles you have had in life (eg, family roles, vocational roles, community-service roles)? Why were they so important to you and what do you think you accomplished in those roles?
What are your most important accomplishments, and what do you feel most proud of?
Are there particular things that you feel still need to be said to your loved ones or things that you would want to take the time to say once again?
What are your hopes and dreams for your loved ones?
What have you learned about life that you would want to pass along to others? What advice or words of guidance would you wish to pass along to your son, daughter, husband, wife, parents, or other(s)?
Are there words or perhaps even instructions that you would like to off er your family to help prepare them for the future?
In creating this permanent record, are there other things that you would like included?

The post Dignity Therapy values leaving your spoken legacy to loved ones appeared first on Our Life Celebrations.

The framed sepia photograph flashes a dazzling flapper draped in fur and Pat White as a child posing in a tailored coat to match her mother’s.

“That’s me at 4 years old in my first fur coat,” Pat said.

I detected a confident gusto in this dying woman swaddled in a hospital bed in a board and care room in Mission Viejo.

“We never felt the Depression,” Pat, 89, said with a chuckle.

Congestive heart failure affects her breathing but not her mind or spirit. I knew we were in for a captivating life review video, the brainchild of Donna Miller, director of volunteer services of Hospice Care of the West.

Since researching my book “Parting Ways,” I’ve been following Donna as she guides hospice patients on a tour of their past, triggered by a list of interview questions.

It’s a raw last conversation. We’ve heard many life stories, war accounts, prisoner of war nightmares and confessions that folks share before going to the grave. Yet, I’ve never been vividly transported to the underworld of Prohibition.

Donna set up the video camera and started with Pat’s birth in Percy, Ill. Pat’s birth name was Mary Helen Keller. She was nicknamed Patsy. Her mother said that she had to leave Pat’s father nine months after the birth.

Carl Shelton, leader of the Shelton Gang, was the first in a string of stepfathers, Pat said. That’s when the room ebbed as we traveled back to Pat’s childhood. She recalled her early life with the Shelton brothers, who ran East St. Louis and Southern Illinois the way Al Capone ran Chicago.

“I grew up in an affluent family,” she said. “The money just rolled in. We just kept living high.”

“What did your family do?” Donna asked.

“Well, the Sheltons were running Southern Illinois, all the gambling places, card lounges and restaurants,” she said. “Everybody who had slot machines paid to them. There was never any crime. They controlled better than the police.”

She described her mother, born Helen Niemeyer, as a Roaring ’20s bombshell, a gangster’s wife.

“My mother commanded the room,” Pat said.

“How did your mother influence you?” Donna asked.

“Very strongly, with the fact that I was as good as any man; she gave me attitude,” Pat said. “I could have anything or be anything I wanted.”

Pat’s mother dressed her like a doll in georgette dresses and took her out in the evenings for dinner with adults.

“I never had any childhood friends. I wasn’t encouraged to make friends outside of the family.”

“Do you know why that was?” Donna asked.

“I was always told we don’t talk about family, unless we’re with family,” she said. “This is the first time I’ve opened my mouth.”

She lived in a protective bubble away from the eyes of the Sheltons’ rivals. As a child, Pat had a bodyguard named “Eli” who packed a revolver.

“When we were in town, I could always see him out of the corner of my eye or over my shoulder,” she said.

Though they moved often, some of her fondest memories are of riding her horse “Toby” on the farm with Uncle Bernie, which is a very different side of the gangster known as the guy who did Carl’s dirty work.

I later learned when sifting through newspaper archives that the Sheltons made their fortune bootlegging. The Saturday Evening Post called the Shelton brothers “America’s Bloodiest Gang” for the gang wars that occurred in Herrin, a town just south of Percy, and later, Peoria.

I also exchanged emails with Taylor Pensoneau, author of “Brothers Notorious: The Sheltons.” Carl was widely recognized as “handsome, charming and a ladies’ man.” He had multiple marriages and mistresses. Pensoneau also mentioned, “Bernard (Bernie) Shelton loved horses and always had a stable full of them.”

Pat Keller, 4, (now White) with her mom, Helen, in a 1925 picture with both wearing fur coats. Pat grew up in the Shelton Gang, who ran gambling, saloons and bootlegging businesses. CINDY YAMANAKA, THE ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER

Pat earned her chops as the daughter of a gangster family. Her uncles trained her how to shoot guns. She became a streetwise, tough dame like her mother.

As she matured, Pat realized the family’s code of silence was an armor of protection. Her mother decided to move Pat to California because she didn’t want her daughter to be tied with the Sheltons, who were later gunned down by a rival gang.

Pat recalls living among Hollywood’s stars in Brentwood when they first came to California before moving to Belmont Shore in Long Beach. Her after-school activities when attending Long Beach Poly Tech took us on another jaunt into local organized crime history.

She recalls that her new stepdad and uncle bought a ship, anchored it three miles offshore just outside of the government jurisdiction, and turned it into a casino. Pat would drop her books off at home after school, change her clothes and catch a water taxi out to the ship. At that time, a fleet of ships would cruise up and down the coast from Santa Monica to Long Beach making sure to avoid the invisible line of authority.

“I would go onto the ship and into Uncle Bill’s office, pick up a stack of chips and go play roulette,” she said. “And win, boy would I win. Then I would go down to the dining room, have dinner and take the boat home.”

Pat reflected on one of the more famous ships, the Rex, which carried nearly 2,000 gamblers and 350 waiters, gourmet chefs, full orchestra and squads of gunmen. The frivolity ended when the law was changed to a 12-mile limit. The Rex became a warship serving in World War II.

Pat White, 89, holds a 1930s picture of herself in the tail-gunner seat of a then-new B-17. She was one of the few women photojournalists in a male-dominated field. White got along well with the guys and found them helpful. She later was a photographer with Douglas Aircraft during the war. CINDY YAMANAKA, THE ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER

When the war started, Pat used her photography skills – learned shooting high school sports with a Speed Graphic for the Long Beach Press-Telegram – to join a team of men taking pictures for Douglas Aircraft. One of her government assignments led to going into the bowels of a B-17 to take classified photos that would be sent to engineers fixing the stalling ammunition feeds on the 240-caliber machine guns overseas.

As she got into the tail-gunner seat, she said to the engineer, “I don’t know if you’d take me down here if you knew who my grandfather was.”

“We know who your grandfather was, and we know who your father was,” he said. “And we know who you are.”

“Let me give it a go,” she said, wanting to test the machine gun.

She pointed the gun, aimed and shot the target. The pilot came down to see who fired the last test shots. When he found out the gunman in fact was a voluptuous photographer, Pat recalls him saying “You can fly tail-gunner for me any time.”

In the chemical lab at Douglas, she met rocket scientist Daniel White.

“Mother always said I could have whatever I wanted,” Pat said with chuckle and a smitten look.

They eloped a few months later and had two daughters not long after. Pat’s adventures with the rocket scientist took them around the world for his assignments during the war. She and her daughters toured countries to learn about culture, languages and the arts.

Yet, she never told them the stories of her life. Just a few bits came out little by little to Daniel in their later years.

She’s the only one left now in her family. Her husband died in 2002 and daughters shortly after. I refocused on the grandmotherly figure resting in bed, as her past receded from my mind’s eye.

Donna asked if there was a prayer or scripture that she might like to share with her grandchildren. Pat took a deep breath then recited the prayer.

“As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.”

Pat’s five grandchildren and 14 great-grandchildren have never heard these stories. Her life review is a reminder to ask our parents

and grandparents about their lives, before they’re buried. You never know what could be locked inside. The key is to ask.

As the interview wound to a close, I sensed that she felt relief or release.

“Boy, if the family could hear me now,” Pat said, pausing to exhale. “Well, I finally talked. The dam broke loose.”

Contact the writer: denise@denisecarson.com

Denise Carson wrote the book “Parting Ways: New Rituals and Celebrations of Life’s Passing” and blogs. The book is available at University of California Press oramazon.com.

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